• Is the founder and lead singer for the single greatest Christian speed metal band to ever form in Dillon, Crucifictorious.
• Appears to be the go-to-guy for tutoring sessions. Has helped Riggins with his English (by reading an entire book to him) and Tyra with Algebra.
• Has a massive crush on Tyra.
• Gives horrible advice, particularily to Matt in regards to Julie, with no experience to back any of it up.
• Is an insomniac.
Landry: I think I'm going to get me one of those signs that says Landry Clarke: Utterly Useless.
Landry: Now that was mean, man. That wasn't nice.
Landry: I'm starting to look at this whole damn town like a big ol' out of tune guitar. You know what I mean? It's smashed up like some demonic crossword puzzle. You know, 42 across, 11 letters. Could that be? Yes, it's Satan's Horns. Is that a word? Cause I'm seeing it growing out of Street's mom whenever she gets within 20 feet of a Notre Dame recruiter.
Matt: Stop.
Landry: 33 down, 8 letters. State of bliss. Starts with S.
Matt: Dude, you're just being random.
Landry: Try "serenity", a quality that is in dire shortage of supply out here. But you know what, it doesn't even matter. I'm thinking of starting a Christian speed metal band, are you in?
Landry: Why are you yelling at me? You've only got 250 or so variations left to go.
Landry: That's not what I'm talking about. What I'm talking about is the supernatural.
Matt: You're retarded.
Landry: In a lot of cultures, they believe older woman to be very powerful witches.
Landry: The river of rally girls has pretty much run dry.
Landry: Here's how I relate to the book. I would very much like to shoot you right now.
Landry: Here's to Tyra. I'm in your house... with strippers. And God bless all who enter here.
Tyra: Just wishing I could invent a time machine and go back and shoot whoever invented algebra.
Landry: Well, see, that's kind of a catch-22, though, because in order to invent that time machine, you may need to use algebra.
Landry: For some reason I just think there's a guy out there that'll show up sober, that'll listen to you whenever you talk and that'll actually, you know, respect your opinions and take care of you and actually recognize you for the smart and beautiful and caring woman that you are, Tyra.
Landry: Hey, Mindy, how's the stripping going?